Dreams

"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last night, I had a dream, one that was quite disturbing to me.  While I don't tend to put much stock into my dreams, I do believe that at certain times in our lives there are reasons we dream what we do.  Is there a greater influence brought upon us by some unknown force or perhaps, is it our way of facing our own fears?  I'm not sure.  I do love Freud's take on the symbolization of dreams.  If you would like take a look, you can find it here.  Anyway, I'll share my dream with you, feel free to give any thoughts about it in the comments. 

I was in my childhood home, at the age I am now.  I received a phone call from one of our local deputies, I'll leave his name out, he proceeded to tell me as nicely as he could, that my younger brother and mom had been in a terrible car accident and had not made it, and that I would need to come identify the bodies.  After a moment of shock, I remained calm and made my way to the morgue.  The morgue was located in the basement of a hospital, and as I walked with the deputy down the long corridor to the morgue, I remember not feeling much of anything.  When we entered the morgue, I saw a lot of people standing around, not saying anything, which I found to be odd.  The deputy continued walking almost as if he did not see the people I was seeing.  As we're approaching the tables, I then saw my mom and brother standing along with the other people.  It was only then when I saw that my brothers head was pretty well busted up and my mothers legs appeared mangled, almost looking like hamburger meat, that I realized all of these people standing were dead.  We continued with the identification, calmly, almost no emotion at all, I said "Yes, that is my mom and brother." As the detective and I were making our way back up to the hospital to leave, a little girl grabbed my hand.  It hurt, like it was burning.  And when I looked at her, her lips were not moving, but in my head I heard a her say "Please tell them to stop, it hurts so bad, just let me be dead."  After reaching the lobby area of the hospital, we were pushed out of the way for a group of paramedics pushing the same little girl that was holding my hand on the gurney in front of me.  They said she had flat lined, but continued with their CPR.  All of a sudden the little girl let go of my hand and shortly there after, from down the hall, I heard "She's back.   Stay with me baby girl."  And then I woke up.

When I woke up, my first thought was to check my hand, it hurt, though I blame this on my funny sleeping position, it still makes me wonder.  The part in the dream I find so disturbing though is not that I was seeing dead people, the little girl, but my reaction and way I handled identifying my family's bodies.  I'm not sure what to make of this dream and I have a feeling Freud would have a hay day in my head.  But I suppose now that its been said and done, I'm now heading back off to the land of nod.  Hopefully tonights dreams will lead me to sunny Florida where its warm and a great friend awaits.  Hey, a girl can daydream about the dreams she wants to have at night can't she?   Goodnight and sweet dreams.