Think THEN Speak

“Speak when you are angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” 

– Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Sometimes I have knee jerk reactions to little things. Things I often assume attack me directly; when in reality, they may or may not. I have no way of knowing.  Despite my somewhat cold exterior others perceive, I take everything to heart when it involves those I care about. I'm great about not letting it show, but often I've learned in the course of my life that I'm very quick to display anger when really I'm hurt. I think a lot of people do this, though I can only speak for myself. 

In an instant, I feel the pain and bury it deep inside and cover it up with smiles and good humor.  Never wanting to let it show in anyway, but it does. Eventually it comes out in a rage.  I find myself argumentative and wanting to inflict the same torment on those that have caused it in me, but rather than being coy or indirect about it, I tend to just throw fuel on the fire and let it burn bigger and brighter and hotter than it ever needs to be.  

Think before you speak. It's a simple concept, one that most parents try to instill in their children, though it doesn't always work. Emotions take control and kick clarity out the car while going 90 mph on the freeway.  The only thing you have left is the aftermath. The feelings of guilt, shame, wounded pride, and complete devastation wash over you like a shower of acidic rain.  

When I hurt, I want others to hurt. I want them to feel the same pain that has been inflicted on me, and sometimes it's not directed where it should go. I always try to do the right thing, think then speak, but it doesn't always happen. Right now I'm lucky. I've been able to bite my tongue until the bloods pouring like hot lava down the back of my throat. I'm hoping to give it a little time to breathe, to cool and to chip away at the molten mess little by little until the clean up is complete and there's nothing left to resolve.