Run Vs. Learn

"Simba: I know what I have to do. But going back will mean facing my past.  I’ve been running from it for so long.

Rafiki: It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.

Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.

Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt.  But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

- The Lion King

Who knew there could be so much wisdom and I use that term lightly here, in a Disney movie?  The Lion King is probably my favorite childhood movie, though it's endearment to me had definitely fallen ten fold with the over whelming feeling of relation as years past.

Sometimes, I sit in contemplation of who I am, where I'm heading and where I've come from.  They answers at times all seem so fuzzy.  Why is it that for some it seems to be so easy to overcome their pasts while I can't even get the strength to even consider an in depth look on most days?  It's a constant struggle; in order to answer the first two questions, I must rely on the answer to the last question. 

But it doesn't appear to be so simple.  It's damaging at best. I think about the person I was, the life I had, and at times am thankful to have engaged in those experiences, as I wouldn't be the person I am now, whomever that may be.  And yet, the memories take control and my mind whisks me away to a time of depression and desperation.  When that happens, I get myself locked into the same old mode.  Like a switch has broken and I can't go back to the present, even though I'm currently living in it. Then again, sometimes, the present it just as bad as the past, in a completely different context so I feel as I'm stuck in some form of limbo within my own brain. 

Compulsions take over and I run on auto pilot.  I don't know if I'm ever really in control.  While even though it seems everything is in order and running as it should and that I have control over my every day life, how much control do you have if you're simply running through the motions?  Almost like I'm a car with the cruise control set. Sure I can keep the pace of the necessary situation, but aside from that, inside of me, if I don't find some sort of driver, I'm heading for the next big crash.

I guess it's time to choose, run or learn.