"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."
- Gloria Naylor
So I need to get this off my chest. Sometimes, I feel things. It can all start with a little seedling thought that my brain cannot help but plant, then nurture and grow until it has become so large that it starts to take over all other functioning thoughts that my brain can produce. Suffocating them until it is left to be the only thought. I want to avoid the suffocating this time. I want to put a stop to it before it takes root.
I'm easily confused, torn, struggling with my emotions. This is nothing new, this you know. As of lately things have been... different. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's a mountain made of little stones all adding up. Maybe it's me. It takes longer to get a response. You're distant, but not cold. You're quiet, yet not reserved. You're talkative, but sporadically and about nothing much. I find myself mirroring you, all because of this little seedling.
You see, I understand your desires to not share everything, to not divulge all the details, to keep somethings to yourself. I'm not used to it. In fact, it's utterly confusing. But I'm trying to come to terms with it. To not nit pick every little thing; to not let little seedlings be planted. I've done well, only one itty bitty weak seedling has made it's way through. As weak as it was to begin with, it's roots have sprouted and are starting to take hold. Of this I am not a fan.
This seedling; it started off noticing these... changes in behaviors. I know I've been under the weather and perhaps that's made me less than conversational, but I've tried to keep up to my usual. You said you needed to and were working on making changes. These changes you did not make clear. The tasks to make the changes, I'm unsure of, and I hate that because you said this things, and could not or would not divulge them, it makes me feel less than comfortable, especially when I noticed the other changes.
These other changes or changes in behaviors, they could have absolutely nothing to do with me. And that's what I've been telling myself. It's why I haven't said anything. I've rationalized this over and over again. Neither of us have been feeling so well as of lately.
